This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
