if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
