I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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