I think my fart just growled at me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
