god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
