You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
