your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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