The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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