I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
