I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
