made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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