There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
