also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
