I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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