i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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