Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
