It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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