Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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