Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
