she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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