Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
