i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
