There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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