You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
