I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
