Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
