Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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