True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
