just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my poor anus
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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