any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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