Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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