I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
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i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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