Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
