It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
