why didn't you poke me back
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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