why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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