i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
