winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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