I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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