Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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