Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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