I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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