Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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