You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dude. I can hear the air.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
