she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
