Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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