this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
