its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
