I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
