It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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