Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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