Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
