Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
