I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
