I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
