No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
