I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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