im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
