We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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