OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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